think the most beautiful woman in the world is Margaret
Doll Rod. That's probably not her real name, it's her
stage name in the band she performs with, the Demolition
Doll Rods. She actually performs about 93% naked, and
a lot of fellas and women too would tell you that she
looks pretty good doin' it. (It's not just me who would
describe her as "beautiful.") See for yourself, or just
look at the artwork for their LP Tasty (1997),
there are three pictures of Margaret on it, and even though
she's not wearing her 'stage attire' and is in fact only
about 25% naked, she still looks just plain bee-yoo-ti-ful.
The first time I laid eyes on her was when I saw her band
play at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha, I believe it was in October
1997...okay, just did a websearch and found it was November
1997. (I remember it being fall weather outside.) The
Doll Rods were opening for Guitar Wolf and The Cramps,
and wife Angelina and husband me went and rocked, danced,
drank beer, saw friends, sang, danced, rocked, drank beer...all
three bands blew the stage up, and afterwards Angelina
and I went to her brother's house (he and his wife and
daughter were out of town and they left us their key)
and had excellent drunken sex in the master bedroom. One
of the top seven, eight, ten, fifteen all around 'dates'
that Angelina and I have ever had together. But even on
that great night of marriage, during the Doll Rods set,
when Margaret turned her back to the audience and started
playing a noise guitar solo by whirling
her guitar above her head and gyrating her hips, ass,
legs - you know, her 93% naked body (and it is
an eyecatcher) - I literally ran to the front of
the stage so I could get an unobstructed view of this
goddess in performance. The band was cranking out a slow
gutbucket riff and Margaret's guitar and entire body were
howling and writhing on it - I can just
imagine the image I struck, this young man dodging through
people, leaving his wife in the dust, getting right up
to the front of the stage and then just staring at Margaret
Doll Rod, focusing mainly on her luscious-if-you-wanna-get-pornographic-about-it
ass. How crude! I'll admit it, I was (ahem) seized by
Margaret Doll Rod being seized by rock and roll. The song
ended, she turned back around, and I came back to my senses
a bit. Of course I apologized to my wife, making no bones
about the fact that I found Margaret Doll Rod "bee-yoo-ti-ful"
but telling her (truthfully) that I found her "bee-yoo-ti-ful"
too but of course it came out insincerely because
we were both in the midst of a rather torridly romantic
cruise on the seas of beer and jealousy. I remember Angelina
saying - about Margaret Doll Rod! - "I'm better than she
is!," better for me, better-looking, better in bed, better-everything
(Angelina is very good at all these things), just
a better person for me, by default, than someone I've
only seen once on stage -- even if said someone was naked
on stage, and shaking her holy ass at the audience, my
being in the audience does not constitute 'knowing her'
in any sense except as a lowly spectator.
of course you're better for me than Margaret Doll
Rod. She is fiction to us; when certain onstage musicians
are people you've never met, they can create an aura of
pure fiction about themselves, and therefore of pure possibility,
and if we're tapped-in spectators we can read the scene
and be read by the scene, and maybe find ourselves in
an altered state, which is at its most scandalous a mere
virtual world, a fantasy world contained merely inside
my id, while my reigning superego and ego love and honor
you, Angelina. All of that (no wonder I couldn't
explain it that night!) was why I didn't hesitate to get
some eyeball sex kicks from Margaret Doll Rod when she
was on stage, because I can give those kicks back to you
with you for you, dig? And besides, Danny Doll Rod was
also 93% naked, as was drummer Christine Doll Rod, so
it was like an 'open' kinda thing anyway, and most importantly
they rocked in a slow Detroit gutbucket (heroin?) daze,
and you dug it too on the "they rock you rock we rock"
principle. (Note to the Doll Rods: take my usage of (the
word) heroin only as a description, not an accusation,
as I believe Margaret when she says in an interview on
some web page: "We don't do any drugs. We don't even drink.
The most I've ever seen him [Danny?] do is smoke like
half a bowl of pot behind the van after a show.") ANYWAY
Margaret Doll Rod gets my vote for "most beautiful woman
in the world." Tell it to People. (The magazine.)
I've even included a Margaret Doll Rod gallery! (Hope
ya don't mind Angelina, 'you're the one that I love,'
remember, 'this is just id stuff,' and as we all
know, 'ids say the darndest things...'
on the thumbnails for a larger image!