93% NAKED  I think the most beautiful woman in the world is Margaret Doll Rod. That's probably not her real name, it's her stage name in the band she performs with, the Demolition Doll Rods. She actually performs about 93% naked, and a lot of fellas and women too would tell you that she looks pretty good doin' it. (It's not just me who would describe her as "beautiful.") See for yourself, or just look at the artwork for their LP Tasty (1997), there are three pictures of Margaret on it, and even though she's not wearing her 'stage attire' and is in fact only about 25% naked, she still looks just plain bee-yoo-ti-ful. The first time I laid eyes on her was when I saw her band play at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha, I believe it was in October 1997...okay, just did a websearch and found it was November 1997. (I remember it being fall weather outside.) The Doll Rods were opening for Guitar Wolf and The Cramps, and wife Angelina and husband me went and rocked, danced, drank beer, saw friends, sang, danced, rocked, drank beer...all three bands blew the stage up, and afterwards Angelina and I went to her brother's house (he and his wife and daughter were out of town and they left us their key) and had excellent drunken sex in the master bedroom. One of the top seven, eight, ten, fifteen all around 'dates' that Angelina and I have ever had together. But even on that great night of marriage, during the Doll Rods set, when Margaret turned her back to the audience and started playing a noise guitar solo by whirling her guitar above her head and gyrating her hips, ass, legs - you know, her 93% naked body (and it is an eyecatcher) - I literally ran to the front of the stage so I could get an unobstructed view of this goddess in performance. The band was cranking out a slow gutbucket riff and Margaret's guitar and entire body were howling and writhing on it - I can just imagine the image I struck, this young man dodging through people, leaving his wife in the dust, getting right up to the front of the stage and then just staring at Margaret Doll Rod, focusing mainly on her luscious-if-you-wanna-get-pornographic-about-it ass. How crude! I'll admit it, I was (ahem) seized by Margaret Doll Rod being seized by rock and roll. The song ended, she turned back around, and I came back to my senses a bit. Of course I apologized to my wife, making no bones about the fact that I found Margaret Doll Rod "bee-yoo-ti-ful" but telling her (truthfully) that I found her "bee-yoo-ti-ful" too but of course it came out insincerely because we were both in the midst of a rather torridly romantic cruise on the seas of beer and jealousy. I remember Angelina saying - about Margaret Doll Rod! - "I'm better than she is!," better for me, better-looking, better in bed, better-everything (Angelina is very good at all these things), just a better person for me, by default, than someone I've only seen once on stage -- even if said someone was naked on stage, and shaking her holy ass at the audience, my being in the audience does not constitute 'knowing her' in any sense except as a lowly spectator.
         Angelina, of course you're better for me than Margaret Doll Rod. She is fiction to us; when certain onstage musicians are people you've never met, they can create an aura of pure fiction about themselves, and therefore of pure possibility, and if we're tapped-in spectators we can read the scene and be read by the scene, and maybe find ourselves in an altered state, which is at its most scandalous a mere virtual world, a fantasy world contained merely inside my id, while my reigning superego and ego love and honor you, Angelina. All of that (no wonder I couldn't explain it that night!) was why I didn't hesitate to get some eyeball sex kicks from Margaret Doll Rod when she was on stage, because I can give those kicks back to you with you for you, dig? And besides, Danny Doll Rod was also 93% naked, as was drummer Christine Doll Rod, so it was like an 'open' kinda thing anyway, and most importantly they rocked in a slow Detroit gutbucket (heroin?) daze, and you dug it too on the "they rock you rock we rock" principle. (Note to the Doll Rods: take my usage of (the word) heroin only as a description, not an accusation, as I believe Margaret when she says in an interview on some web page: "We don't do any drugs. We don't even drink. The most I've ever seen him [Danny?] do is smoke like half a bowl of pot behind the van after a show.") ANYWAY Margaret Doll Rod gets my vote for "most beautiful woman in the world." Tell it to People. (The magazine.) I've even included a Margaret Doll Rod gallery! (Hope ya don't mind Angelina, 'you're the one that I love,' remember, 'this is just id stuff,' and as we all know, 'ids say the darndest things...'