LIVING LIKE BURT REYNOLDS ON A MAC DAVIS INCOME
by Tony Rettman

As I sit outside the local hipster record pavillion (best place to pick up young tail) I can't help but see more and more spectacled youths leaving with Neu! re-issues and the like gleefully tucked under their arms. And hey, god bless 'em and all that. The reasons they're buying these items -- I'm assuming -- is to get closer to a connection. To be inspired by the sounds that inspired the 'geniuses' of today. Well, if that's the case, how come I don't see any of them leaving said record store with these first four Blue Oyster Cult studio albums that were just re-released on CD by CBS/Legacy? The B.O.C. fried the brains of members of Sonic Youth, The Minutemen, Kray Cherubs, etc. way before any German would hypnotise them with their teutonic beat. And why wouldn't The B.O.C. allure your common freak of nature? Buzzsawed riffs. Surreal/sarcastic wordage from R.Meltzer, Patti Smith, etc. Dope ass record covers. Dudes who looked like volunteer fireman donning mirrored shades and black capes. Excuse me, but what the hell more could you want?
        The Blue Oyster Cult were the perfect merging of art and cock. The dry assed humor and groin-intended meganess was a confounded mix and it proved the band and their muses understood the beautiful idiocy of rock music and were prepared to spit in back in their audiences' face. And with a spat of irony to spare no less. Their debut lp from 1972 sticks out like a sore thumb in the time frame it was released. No matter what this record throws at you (and it's thrown me some shit some nights) it always holds up as a wonderfully dark dream. The bombastic intro that is 'Transmaniacon M.C.' leads the way through heavy chain pulling classics like 'Cities in Flame With Rock 'n' Roll' and 'Before The Kiss, A Redcap' while still presenting the subtly fried psychedelia of 'She's As Beautiful As A Foot' and 'Then Came The Last Days Of May' (the finest song ever written about a drug deal gone wrong in this humble dipshit's opinion). The bonus tracks on here consist of demos the band recorded when they were known as The Stalk Forrest Group. These demos have been available on bootlegs for awhile and Rhino just put out all the sessions in their mail-order only 'Homemade' series. Eric Bloom's voice on these tapes shares a strangely similar tone with Jerry Garcia and the band sounds like they're gearing up to be Dead contemporaries rather than the hedonist riff monsters they would become.
         On 1973's 'Tyranny and Mutation', The B.O.C. took whatever subtlety they had and threw it right out the god damned window. The first side ('The Black') js probably the heaviest first side of a record ever and anyone worth their weight in pot will attest to this. 'The Red and The Black', 'O.D.'ed On Life Itself', 'Hot Rails To Hell' and 'Seven Screaming Diz Busters' are just a non stop steamroller of thought-out riffdom from a buncha guys who knew thinking is for chumps. The dreamy, heavy buzz of 'Hot Rails..' has always brought to mind the thought of '67 era Byrds with a shitload of amps and way more balls. But hey, what do I know? The second side ('The Red') is the fog created by the dust and poon juice in the air after the stampede of the first side. Buck Dharma and Eric Bloom's gits weave around like heavily choreographed snakes on this side and sends 'The Red' into grey, grey clouds. Out of all these re-issues, 'Tyranny..' has the weakest bonus cuts. A few passable live cuts and a studio out take from the 'Tyranny..' sessions entitled 'Buck's Boogie'. The title says it all.
         In my sad, tiny universe, these are the most important moments in history for the year 1974: A) The Blue Oyster Cult actually tour the U.S. with Wales' finest long living Psychedelic export, Man (another band who understood the subtle humor of Rock). B) The Blue Oyster Cult release 'Secret Treaties' and inspire future members of Australia's Radio Birdman to title their classic debut lp 'Radios Appear' (taken from the omnipotent lyric in 'Dominance and Submission'). C) The Blue Oyster Cult release the best album they'll ever do. 'Secret Treaties' finds the band at it's conceptual and musical peak. The band's sardonic wit is driven home like a bullet due to Meltzer, Pearlman and Smith being at a lyrical zenith (Meltzer's 'Cagey Cretins, Pearlman's ode to a German air fighter 'ME 262' and Smith's brilliant 'Career of Evil'). Musically it shows The B.O.C. knack at providing a pillow for your butt-pummelling, while still managing to confuse and bewilder (hell, the moog solo on 'Flaming Telepaths' still scares the crap out of me some nights). The bonus cuts on here are the choicest of the lot. 'Boorman the Chauffer' and 'Mommy' are out takes from these sessions and to think they were cut from the original lp is just sad, but there's no way they coulda crammed them on there I suppose. 'Boorman..' is a cinderblock wrapped in bubblegum. 'Mommy' is one of Meltzer's finest sets of lyrics and the tune is an organ drenched riff monster. The rest of the bonus cuts consist of one tepid studio out take, a re-working of Steppenwolf's 'Born To Be Wild' (The B.O.C.s' secret inspiration) and the 45 version of 'Career of Evil' which is basically the same tune with a minute shaved off. What's the purpose of that?
         1976's 'Agents of Fortune' is the one everybody knows as it harbors the pro-suicide 'classic rock' radio staple '(Don't Fear) The Reaper'. Some will tell you this record is the precise moment that this band started to swallow themselves whole in their own joke, and become what Meltzer called 'Lazer light baloney.' You know what? Those people are dead right! I've given this album the benefit of the doubt too many times and I forever come up with zilch. The innuendos become way too transparent and the production makes them sound like any other 70's crud rock band. Taking an aerial view of the thing, the only redeming thing about it is '(Don't Fear) The Reaper'. Listening to it stripped of its negative connections (Stephen King digs it, that crap movie 'The Stoned Age', etc.) it really is quite good. The airy feel of it makes it come off like The Zombies gone Heavy Metal. The bonus cut on here of a four track demo of the tune puts it into better perspective, but you probably have better things to do with your day (how I wish I were you).
         I know most of the loyal readership of Blastitude have weathered vinyl copies of these lp's close at hand, but hell, if ya got the duckets, spend it on the tin foil re-issues of this stuff. At least the 'Secret Treaties' one. Hell, get 'em all and throw away your vinyl copies. As a matter of fact, throw away all your records and get all CDs' to replace them. Move out of your parents' basement. Kiss a girl. And grow up for god sakes....