To
Live and Shave In L.A.
"God and Country Rally!"
(The Smack Shire)
Finally, a return to form from the "bad boys"
of noise; God and Country Rally! may be their most
fully realized album to date! Wait a minute, that is completely
wrong, sorry, I haven't written any music reviews in a while.
Let's start again... Listening to this album on headphones
while walking makes me wonder if this is similar to what crazy
bums hear when they are walking around. Tons of information
unrelated, coming all at the same time, I believe it is called
a fugue state, which can also be reached through certain drugs,
or through certain magic (or magick, if you wanna spell it
the weenie way) rituals. But both of those can be sort of
scary, and sometimes unpleasant, so why not go down to your
record store and buy this album instead? Because you don't
have any money? Then start writing for Blastitude, go see
the band play, get drunk on whiskey you snuck in, and demand
that Tom Smith give you copies for review, even if you haven't
written anything in like a year and a half! That's what I
did, and I felt kinda bad about it afterwards. But look at
me now, I am back in the saddle, and getting paid $12.50 a
word for it! (Just kidding, Weasel Walter is the only columnist
who gets paid.)
How
does the album sound, you ask? Well, it's a little more straightforward,
production-wise, than Wigmaker was, there's not like
10 different production styles getting switched, all in one
line of the song. Or maybe there are, but I don't notice it.
Jesus christ, I can't really describe what's going on at all,
for the most part. There's a lot of clean guitar dickin' going
on, and it's really good, but the credits don't say who it
is. Oh wait, yes they do, it's Bill Orcutt! I assume it's
the dude from Harry Pussy, and not my 5th grade teacher of
the same name. And Nandor Nevai is playing percussion, he's
really good! On the back cover it lists the band as including
Don Fleming, Mark Morgan, and Andrew W.K., but I am pretty
sure they don't play on the album, Tom's just giving props.
I
will attempt to describe my favorite song on the album, "Got
Up And Went To Piano Turds". The song begins with some
throbbing bass hum, and some bass drum stomps, which get insistent.
The vocals start, and some nice little circular(?) guitar
lines go, and the drums speed up to climaxes, and then go
back down, just like you pound on the ceiling when your neighbor
is playing the new TLASILA album at one of his parties. Shaddup!
Wow, this song is a little easier to describe than I thought,
not a lot more happens (which is great, what IS going on rules),
then it ends with the studio engineer saying he can hear something
going wrong, and Tom is like "Deal, deal, hahahaha",
and he totally sounds like Cansafis from No Doctors. Right
on man, those fucking engineers, they are always freaking
out, they need to just deal! Personally, I find this album
to be a little more relaxing than Wigmaker was, which
most people would disagree with. This one time I put Wigmaker
on, and my roommate at the time (who also listens to loads
of unlistenable noise) said to me “this is the opposite
of relaxing music!” Which I found funny, as I had just
got back from work, and was in fact having a pipe, leaning
back, and chillin’.
Do
I have anything more to say about this? The cover painting
is really nice, it's got a picture of a guy who looks sort
of like a NW Native American god, and also a little bit like
that annoying aboriginal guy who is either playing a pipe
or smoking a bong who is on hippy shirts. He also has a face
on his crotch, which has it's tongue sticking out. Also, “God
and Country Rally” is a real neat album title!
TO LIVE AND SHAVE IN L.A.: Now that's what
I call a CLOSE sh -- waitaminnit, stop the press, what's Simon
Wickham-Smith doing in this picture?!!!
xex
"group:xex"
(The Smack Shire)
Huh,
this one really comes out of left field. Wait, is that even
a saying? Left field? That doesn’t seem right, even
though I am pretty sure that’s how the saying goes.
I don’t know much about baseball. Whatever, this album
is a reissue from 1980 from some band from New Jersey, and
it’s synth-pop! Or maybe you’d even call it “electroclash,”
if you are an idiot. Man, remember that? I remember reading
an interview with the guy who invented that word, and he was
like, “There’s all this fabulous music coming
out, and it needs a fabulous genre name for the media to pay
attention too!” Good plan, guy. Anyways, these folks
do the synthesizer and robot voice (voices sounding like robots,
not vocoders) thing really well, and the lyrics are about
cool things like Soviet Nerve Gas, and fashion sucking. Right
on! “I look so hot in these shoes from Italy/cant stand
up cause my feet are killing me/can’t even breathe my
jeans are so tight/ without the pressure I wouldn’t
look right.” Remember ladies, high heels give you varicose
veins, and only look good if your hair is bleached blonde
poofry, and you are crawling on a sports car! And tight pants
cause yeast infections! (I am not actually sure if this is
true, but I heard it in a rap song once.) In conclusion: 3/5
stars. File under: the “X” section of your CD
collection. (If it’s alphabetical. If not, between Creedence
Clearwater Revival’s Greatest Hits, and D’Angelo
“Brown Sugar”. That’s where I put mine,
and I found it right away!)
XEX: Their sci-fi christian metal concept album
was by a completely different band called xex.
Sightings/Tom
Smith
"s/t"
(The Smack Shire)
I borrowed this to my friend Markus a month or so ago, and
I haven’t got it back yet. It’s a good one though,
especially Track 4! (Or maybe it was 5.)
SIGHTINGS/TOM
SMITH: Music so weird and wild, listening to it is like examining
alien life forms under a microscope!!!
Lord
of the Yum-Yum
"Alliv-itself morf Evil"
(rock office records)
Ah,
classical music. Is there nothing finer when you are drinking
red wine and eating spaghetti in your Camaro? No. But what
if you are a totally bitchin’, purse snatchin’
punk rocker (preferably wearing tribal face paint, as does
the rest of your multi-ethnic gang; see Death Wish 3
for more style notes) who knows that rock and roll will never
die, and the only way to show that is to break through a wall,
smash a violin, and pour a can of beer on someone’s
head, like I am? How could anyone get me, Reggie “Scumbag”
Queequeg, to enjoy classical music? Well, one way is to make
all the music with your voice, and loop it with a Boomerang
pedal. And use a wireless microphone while you dance on the
bar!
This
is what LotYY did when I saw him play, and I assume he did
the same thing, except there probably wasn’t a bar (it
was an all ages club), when he played at Festivilla in Indianapolis,
Indiana, which is where this CD was recorded. The sound quality
isn’t great, and it’s not quite as fun to listen
to on CD without seeing the dude (I think his name is Pete
or something) capering about, but it’s still good to
have a recording of. Hits include “1812 Overture”
by Tchaikovsky, “Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring”
by Bach, and TWO songs by Aaron Copeland, “Fanfare for
the Common Man,” a.k.a. “The Olympics Song,”
and “Hoe-down” a.k.a. “The Beef It’s
What’s For Dinner Song.” This sort of stuff normally
bores me, because it’s all stuff you hear in TV advertisements
and musak, and you’ve heard the songs a million times
since you were a little kid. In the new context though, I
notice what’s going on in the songs, and damn, Mozart
could write some catchy hooks! No wonder those matrons who
play the actual songs at their parties get upset when I ride
in the hall backwards on a donkey with a lampshade on my head!
Thank you, Lord of the Yum Yum (ugh, still can’t get
used to typing out that awful, awful name)! Thank you for
making me a more culturally rounded person!
LORD OF THE YUM YUM: Yum fucking yum in-fucking-deed!
Rusted
Shut
“Rehab”
(Emperor Jones)
Holy
shit, this is one of the best albums I have ever heard. Totally
blown out, crazy, downer shit, half recorded on a 4 track
(I think), with everything totally in the red. The other half
was recorded in a studio. When I listened to it the first
time I wondered if the studio version would be a total wank,
because the first half was so amazing. But the studio songs
completely blow shit away too, except the vocals are a bit
quiet. It seems like it was made by 19 year olds who are just
starting to get drunk regularly, trashed, and starting to
smoke weed all day long. Or maybe 22, and starting to do acid
all the time. But the guy on the inside cover looks like he’s
in his 40s, and the album is called “Rehab," so
maybe it’s crazy old guys who used do that stuff, but
are sober now! But then the last song, “Boring Fucking
Town” (they are from Houston), is recorded at a show,
and they demand more beer on stage, and are definitely REAL
FADED.
Most of the lyrics
on this album are totally brutal bringdown suicide style,
but the first song “Jesus Christ Inca” is completely
INSANE. “Jesus Christ Inca” is repeated several
times, then the dude screams the gems, “Sacrifice/ to
the gods/ crush the skull/ slice the throat/ impaled by spears/
royal hunt of the sun(son?)/ lost warrior of the crowds/JESUS
CHRIST INCA!” Actually, now that I am rereading that,
it seems like the song might be about the Spaniards killing
off the natives of South America. This album is like a mix
of everything great about black metal, punk, grind, harsh
noise, and hardcore, then stripped way down to the essentials.
There’s always some sort of groove, and the vocals are
always pretty easy to understand, considering the guy is screaming
at the top of his lungs.
Other than that it’s just about getting the most intense
noise possible. Most of the songs are 2-3 chords, and a few
feature only one. There are a couple guitar solos, but they
are buried in the mix, and they’re pretty much just
noise, as far as I can tell. They sound like Michael Yonkers’
guitar solos as a matter of fact, another middle aged man
who’s all about making crazy noise music with a bare
bones musical structure.
Apparently
Rusted Shut has been around since the mid 80s, and opened
for Sonic Youth/Swans back then, blah blah blah, but only
have one other album out (I think, not sure about that). There
is also a band called Rusted Shut from Pennsylvania who are
boring alternacrap, are aware that there is already a band
by that name, but refuse to change their name! The grounds?
“The Houston band sucks.” What the fuck? That’s
the stupidest defense of a band name EVER. May the Pennsylvania
Rusted Shut burn in hell forever!
RUSTED SHUT: See, they're totally middle-aged
dudes.
The
Eagles
“Their Greatest Hits”
(no label CDR)
This
band is broken up now, I think, but it was a boy and a girl
making love noise. Sounds like there’s some collaborators
on the album though, to "spice things up
a bit." The first song “Take it easy” starts
out with some water noises, radio collage, banging metal,
you know, the usual. The next song is a pretty good noise
with drums gritty, but still sorta grooving jam. It is entitled
“Witchy Woman.” Wow, a power tool (belt sander
I think) just came
in. Real original. Actually, even though this is sort of clichéd
noise, it still sounds good to me. Right now at least. The
song goes on for 26 minutes, a bit long sometimes, but
it’s droning enough so it would make decent background
music for readin’. “Lyin’ Eyes” is
a somewhat generic techno song, done on some sort of cheap
keyboard or whatever.
Sounds great to me. “Already Gone”, one of my
favorite (CA) Eagles songs, is pretty good, some hi synth
droney doodles with a guy doing a sort of blues croon scat.
“Desperado” has the actual piano part from that
song, with some other guy doing sort of off key singing. “One
of These Nights” is some more (relatively) straightforward
techno, sounding pretty good again. “Tequila Sunrise”
sounds like your everyday laptop rocker, i.e. a bore. Wait,
I guess it sounds more like a desktop. Not everyone can hear
the subtle differences, but I can! “Take it to the limit”
has some clanging noises, some
wind, and some dude doing some black metal style croaks. Nice.
“Peaceful, Easy Feeling” has a metronome beat,
and porn samples. Another real original idea. Still sounds
fine to me though, whatever, I don’t care. I’ll
listen to anything. Except for the last song, “Best
of My Love,” which isn’t on here. I don’t
even know how the Eagles version of that song goes though.
In conclusion, this is a fine album, except "Witchy Woman"
is too long, and shoulda been edited down, or at least come
at the end.
THE EAGLES: "A boy and a girl making love
noise."
Elyse
Perez
"The Tiny Album"
(EF Tapes and CDRS/Dirty Needle Records)
The
first solo album from the singer for Cock ESP starts off weirdly,
it’s an acoustic song! Well, sort of acoustic, there’s
some echoing and editing, but an acoustic guitar is the main
instrument, there’s also a music box playing at the
end. It is a love song to Elyse’s dog Dee Dee, and it’s
about how he is a good boy. I have met Dee Dee, and he is
indeed a very good boy, a cute lil black pug dog. It’s
a good little song. The album title does not lie, it is a
3” CDR. There’s some short noisier tracks, and
some short songy tracks, and it’s over in under 10 minutes.
There’s only two tracks I don’t really care for,
“It’s not real” is just a loop of “it’s
real/it’s not real” for a minute. But it’s
over so fast that I can’t really say I don’t like
it, it’s not like I’m going to get up and go skip
the track. Also, if you are tripping or something, the song
may make you think “what IS reality, Maaaaaan?”
It is always good to think about such things, then you can
bore your friends with trite conversations about the subject
when you are drunk for years to come! Or better yet go into
academia and write papers about the subject using exclusively
proper
nouns! The other one is pretty much the same deal, Elyse and
some other girl saying “something’s wrong/there’s
nothing wrong.” I think I heard that it’s her
sister, and they are showing us what conversations are like
at family gatherings. So Elyse probably won’t get too
angry if I say it’s an annoying track, that’s
sort of the point of the thing. I hope she does some more
albums featuring her voice, it’s a very cool, weird
voice. Oh yeah, and her current project is rumored to be a
tap dance/noise band! How cool is that?
ELYSE PEREZ:
Filled with childlike wonder. Because children, like, if you
just let them draw and shit, are like totally natural artists.
Wolf
Eyes
“Fuck Pete Larsen” (no label)
“Fuck the Pigs” (no label)
Ah, two fine new releases from Wolf Eyes that say
“fuck” in the title. What will they name their
albums and songs in a year or so, when every possible combination
of fuck, dead, black, scum, skull, stab, and vomit has been
used up? I guess maybe “piss on.” There’s
also members of Smegma whose names haven’t been used
for songs yet too. Piss
on Amazon Bambi! Piss on Cheez-It Ritz Scum Vomit pt. II.
Ah, this has been fun. So concludes my review of these two
fine releases…
Fuck Pete Larsen
is a reissue of a “bootleg” record that came out
a while back, only the music is totally different (or so Dilloway
says, I don’t own that record, and haven’t heard
it in a while). It’s Wolf Eyes in a mellower mood, nice
and droney, good as background music for things like stomach
crunches, showers, or writing reviews of the CD. There was
some guy on the Hanson message board who said that his CD
had a few skips at the beginning, and the guy at the record
store he bought it at said that they all had it. John Olson
replied “It shouldn’t have any skips,” and
I was like “Yeah, mine works fine,” but then it
turned out that they DO all have skips, from the master, Aaron
let it go because they sounded cool. So I went back and listened,
and there ARE skips, but only two of them, at the very beginning,
and they are just little blips. That guy was a much more attentive
listener than I am, maybe I should go to one of Pauline Oliveros’s
deep listening workshops! Actually I probably didn’t
notice them because I’ve grown accustomed to them, from
all those CDRs with glue, stickers and bones on them, packaged
in sandpaper sleeves.
Speaking
of crap CDRs, Fuck the Pigs doesn’t work on
my stereo, but it DOES work on my discman. It starts off with
some static, some chirps, and the cranking of some rusty gooey
machine, used for some sort of nefarious purpose (grinding
up bones I’ll bet!) Some real good echoing percussion
starts going. I was just thinking the other day (probably
while listening to Excepter) that echo is probably my favorite
effect of all time. Who first invented machines to make echoes?
We will never know. It was probably cavemen. This album has
lots of delicious echo to reverberate in your mind and expand
your consciousness. I just realized that I totally sound stoned
right now, but
I’m not! I am this dumb ALL the time! This album reminds
me of this one time I listened to Dead Hills. I had
eaten some bad mushrooms which made it feel like the 2 seconds
of nausea before you need to vomit, only in the middle of
my chest, and constant. It sucked. But I made it through by
listening to Dead Hills and reading Swamp Thing
comics. Fuck the Pigs would have worked just
as well, I’ll bet. I guess the moral of the story is:
Don’t eat mushrooms you found growing behind the hot
water heater in your Uncle’s basement unless you have
some good Wolf Eyes jams, and Alan Moore comics around!
WOLF EYES: Montana doesn't like Wolf Eyes either....
Don
Howland
“The Land Beyond the Mountains”
(Birdman)
Don
Howland finally breaks free from the shackles of his old band,
The Bassholes! Actually, the Bassholes was basically just
him, and different drummers (I think it’s usually this
guy Bim Thomas, who RULES). And they have had a double 7”
out since this album came out. And the album came out a year
or two ago. The liner notes are about how Howland killed himself
(or was it MURDER?), which isn’t true. I thought it
was a little tasteless when it came out, as the album is dedicated
to Jim Shepard who DID kill himself. Whatever though, people
have different ways of dealing with grief. It says that the
way Don killed himself was by stabbing himself repeatedly
in the neck with a sharpened screwdriver, which makes it kind
of an interesting parallel to Elliot Smith, who I haven’t
heard that much of, but who is apparently more of a genius
than ever now that he’s dead. Of course if Howland actually
WERE dead, most critics would still be ignoring him, just
like they did Shepard. Oh yeah, there’s a funny “fuck
you” to his old record label, “Matador which released
and then utterly ignored what he felt to be the best Bassholes
album.” I don’t think they really ignored it though,
I remember seeing ads for that album. It’s probably
my favorite one too, but it’s a WEIRD one.
The
album starts off with a cover of Tom Rapp’s song “Sail
Away,” which I haven’t heard the original of.
It’s got some great lines though, especially “I
do not wish to escape from reality/I want reality to escape
from me!” Howland is one of my favorite guitar players
ever, he’s got a really great propulsive style to his
playing, and he’s got a high, propulsive wheeze of a
voice to go with it. My favorite song on here is “Desdemona,”
which has a reverbed sorta slow rockabilly(?) guitar along
with some chimey keyboards.
And lyrics like: “I saw her pick a flower from a vine
for her pants/I caught a glimpse of her pubic hair by chance/I
could only stare/I don’t know how to dance/she got pigtails
like pippy longstocking/and a nose ring/to show she’s
rockin/
that sound you hear is/geese a flockin’/o why do the
pretty girls gotta smile at me/it’s a torment/my feet
in cement.” There’s more good stuff in the song
too, like the pretty girls have breasts like muffins. I can’t
explain exactly what he means there, but I think the fellas
out there know what he’s talking about, hey boys?
Other
highlights on here are “I am in hell,” a good
organ jam, “The Conqueror Worm,” which has lyrics
by Edgar Allan Poe, which are played backwards, and “Angel
of Death,” which is a tale of vigilante justice…gone
horribly awry! There’s also a version of this song on
the aforementioned Matador album, “Long Way Blues: 1996-1998,”
which is even creepier than this version. Oh yeah, and the
song “Roots” has lyrical references to “White
Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane! And the album closes
with “Sayanara,” a completely sad, beautiful instrumental
song. This album is great, you should pick it up if you like
weird, funny, downer folk blues. And who doesn’t?
DON HOWLAND: The heart of rock & roll is
still beating!
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