Record Review: "Down
The Road" by Van Morrison
got a new compact disc out called "Down the Road."
It's pretty good. It hits all the right notes and right spots.
But I can't help but feel that he's past it. The classic Van
is gone. Never to come back.
Me and my friend
James always have the same argument about classic Van. It's
a beaut. We debate so much that it's nearly become mundane.
Everytime we start up our girlfriends groan.
We're at verbal
war over which is the best Van Morrison record. James has
it so wrong. He prefers "Moondance." I prefer "Astral
Weeks." Now "Moondance" is plenty alright.
It's a dandy. All the great Morrison hallmarks are there.
Pure soul. You know, "It's a marvelous night for a moondance"
does it for me everytime. His voice is a mother. I'm swept
away by the grit of soul, the overpassionate delivery and
a stateliness that's sublime.
All the elements
used to describe "Moondance" also apply to "Astral
Weeks" but here's the rub: Weeks has pathos. A bucketload.
I wouldn't even want to guess where Morrison's head was at
when he concocted this beauty. It's like he's a condemned
man, noosed but with just enough spirit to tell it like it
The truth is this
lp (and I do mean long-playing vinyl record not the digital
doofusness of compact discs) makes you wiser just by its aural
proximity. Play this record and let the rhythms sway your
hips. Put your hands on the speaker cones. Feel the curative
power of an Irishman's voice enthralled.
One thing I suggest
is hanging a fairly large speaker from the ceiling about 2
feet above the carpet. This is great for those suffering from
backne. You'll need to turn the temperature up because you'll
be removing your shirt or blouse. Once topless lie face down
beneath the speaker. Don't forget to put the needle on the
record first. Start side 1/song 1 and luxuriate. By the end
of the record you'll be zit free. I guarantee it.
Some new moms suffer
from the inability to lactate. No problem. (Unfortunately
here's where you'll need to purchase the compact disc, but
it's worth it.) Ladies what you want to do is play the disc
on your computer. Once the beauty of Van's voice pushes the
air molecules grab those small speakers beside your monitor,
one in each hand, and place them an inch from each breast.
As you'll see Van really is a tonic. Lactation will never
be a problem again. Other side effects like chapped nipples
will also be avoided.
"Astral Weeks," for me, is as good a cure-all as
drinking your own urine or applying a sperm facial. It cures
pinkeye, makes you regular, removes warts, corns and dandruff.
I suggest it can even increase your bust, lip, penis and butt
it makes you feel good about you. Van has recorded an all-purpose
restorative for the soul. And THAT makes "Astral Weeks"
my favourite album.
A Selected Anthology of Krokus Lyrics
by James Fielding
In a restaurant
Drinkin beaujoulais wine
You're with your favourite girl
And you're passin' the time
through the paper
How the times seem wrong
About five minutes later
You're lovin' your lady
see burning bones of war
I can see ashes on the floor
stands a soldier
In a farflung land
Fear of death in his eyes
And a bottle in his hand
Got the taste of blood
No more crosses and bleeders
Just show 'em what you've got
from the lp 'Hardware'
I am an
My God I am the beast
I love to see you bleed
So welcome to my feast
sellin' human flesh
To keep me satisfied
With every bloody bod' to eat
Another's gonna die
give me politics
Don't give me public schools
Just keep it tops and baby please
We're breakin' all the rules
I am a
Don't feel no sympathy
Sex and drugs and rock n' roll
That's my cup of tea
Runnin' bodies into the fire
Time to feed
is clean and sharp
The blade is shining bright
She's hungry for a midnight snack
will roll tonight
I am the
Not easy to please
Stand in line, don't be the last
Get down on your knees
from the lp 'Headhunter'
was a b-girl
My old man was a tramp
Some folks say they conceived me
On a loading ramp
only fourteen took to petty crime
Stole from supermarkets with this girl of mine
no home no country
No hope no faith no luck
If there's a God in heaven
He doesn't give me bucks
No self respect no honour
No family no cash
No church and no religion
I'm only human trash
nearly twenty sick in heart and brain
Haven't got the courage my life is...
Down the drain
from the lp 'One Vice At A Time'
at the station
Waitin' for the train
No money for a B.L.T.
Can't afford the plane
Sat me down in a smoker
Rolled me up a jay
Time is up runnin' hot
This boy is on his way
Meet a million
Tell me what to do
All the slimy leaches...yuk!
Make me feel so blue
booze in the bus
Hot legs round the neck
State to state coast to coast
Hey guys! I'll be back...
from the lp 'One Vice At A Time'
I know you called
me a dirty lover
But that's exactly what you need
It's not for talkin', not even for tokin'
It's good time action baby 'til you bleed
I've got to do
it twice more tonight
Baby I need you, your pants are so tight
Let's get some shelter, I need it fast and hot
So take your umbrella, we can do it on the spot
Heatstrokes fire burning stove
from the lp 'Metal Rendez-vous'
I wanna kiss my
baby in a cadillac
Driven by a chauffer, sittin' in the back
Driver you can drive us anywhere
Make sure I'm on time before arriving there
the city to the concert hall
Headin' for the sound, I hear some rock'n'roll
I told the driver "Come on" let's go to the door
I wanna do it to the music, man I need some more
Hey now! It's backseat
Hey now! Do it with your soul
Driving to the
hall, straight ahead to the stage
The music's going higher than a lover's cage
She's rockin' me and I'm rollin' her
People, people shake it, I don't care
from the lp 'Metal Rendez-vous'
wow, Janice really
likes to cut deep. I think her tact is in question
or maybe she just doesn't know. OK here goes. As you mite
guess coke refers not to the cola but cocaine. It's something
that's been a problem of mine for awhile now. quite something.
The sense of power is amazing, a kind of "I can do anything"
spirit that leaves sobriety in the dust. There's a passion
for yourself and life but at the same time there's a coolness
at the edges. Is it a hi-induced passion tempered with a feeling
of control? Or is it self-celebration with a feeling of icy
emptiness? Idon't know. Paul feels the same way about it but
I can't really talk about him. Let's just say that when bonhomie
turns to desperation there's a freshness about the feeling
that hasn't been well explored in the creative world. Maybe
'cause you need to have been there. Have you?
About the comp:
Singers like Robert Palmer & Don Henley were there. I
can tell from songs like "I Didn't Mean To Turn You On"
+ "Sunset Grill". Their voices burn the fire of
passion. But the lyrics reveal a mutedness that betray the
vocal. The instruments are played with tremendous feeling
but the sonic production is very mechanistic. These inherent
contradictions say 1 thing to me: peruvian flake. Misguided
sincereness, passion pumped to the max but utterly empty in
I'm just thinking
about this now, there are very few females on the
comp. Remember Eric Clapton:
She don't like...
She don't like...
(now the audience yells at the top its lungs [both men and
Rad eh? I have
a feeling about you tho. Indulgence is universal. But unlike
most of society I get the feeling you don't deny. Society
lacks spontaneity. The feelings that pass from minute to minute,
second to second need to be jumped on. Like I said indulgence
is universal but people seem to fear it. Why not embrace what
one's gut tells them. Denial is unhealthy. Where do you think
cancer and like come from? Sure one can spend all day being
obsessed with eating the so-called right foods, vitamins,
exercise. But that is so uptite. If we take advice from our
gut illness would disappear in a second. Blow instills this
in me. Gives me the courage to feel inwards and embrace the
physical sensations that we all have and ignore. Do you feel
like spreading peanut butter all over your body but are worried
that it's gonna make a mess? Fuck it. That lame censorship
has to stop! The new agers have it right: it's all about feelings.
> Hi Jimmy,
> What's the coke comp? In Janice's last email, she said
I should ask you about it.
> PS - I'm coming over for the long weekend, so I'll bring
the books & movie with me.